Divorce and Entertainment

Although there is nothing entertaining about divorce, TV networks yet try to embellish this painful life experience, always in the pretty, shallow format of "glamorous and successful women friends" perhaps a reminder of "Sex and the Cities"? Manhattan is flooded with ads of this new show, you can view at almost any bus stop every few blocks apart.

Yet I have to admit that I smiled at the omnipresent billboard ads and could definitely relate to the gesture and bold statement to the divorcee husband "Go Find Yourself".

Holidays Survival: Deconstructing Thanksgiving

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” 

―Mahatma Gandhi

Holidays are always a major stressor in troubled relationships: being an immigrant without community, married to a family of privileged snob, with a husband who has never made an effort to integrate me or affirm my presence during his family gathering, holidays have always represented one of my worst nightmares. For over two decades Thanksgiving has marked the beginning of a time of anxiety and depression, which I often tried to compensate with eating and drinking binges. My recurrent experiences of Thanksgiving was a day spent at his liberal-chic relatives home in Connecticut, where I felt a sort of wallpaper.

This year Thanksgiving was a different experience, although it started with a general feeling of depression and strong emotional pain. My personal emotional abuse is unfortunately immersed within a larger social injustice and abuse, marked by the Ferguson shooting and recent grand jury decision of not indictment of the police officer who shoot an unarmed eighteen year teenager. The collective feeling of lack of justice, and discrimination had clearly a negative impact on my emotional hurting for personal abuse. It was not easy to start my day as usual, with my morning yoga practice, but the slow movements and focus on being in the here and now, started to activate its almost miraculous effect. I felt calmer and was able to focus on simple action; later join my friend and her son for a simple celebration in a diner. We had meaningful conversations and felt accepted and respected, a quite unusual feeling compared to the past Thanksgiving. Spending time with them gave meaning to giving thanks and affirmed that families are not by blood by choice.

After all holidays are what we make of them, like life itself, and changes starts from within. The "thanks giving" wisdom brought to think that I have a lot to give thanks for, although what I had/have to suffer because of my ex-husband and his family. It is tough journey but it can be travelled, with "a little help from my friends" and, of course ,"kindness of strangers".

Angels are everywhere, but we have to find them. Happy Thanks Giving!

Once Upon a Time...

Once upon a time there was a couple. When they met there was something in common which made them decide to have children, share living space and property. But then the "something in common" vanished and they were fighting about everything: there were no common interests, or similar ways to enjoy life. The time spent together became source of anguish or bore. The economy of being married kept them together as financially a separate life did not seem possible. In the couple one had the power coming from money and family connection and decided to leave, taking advantage of this power to hit as hard a possible the other.

This story is very common although many variations of age, nationality, income, education, personalities. I often use the metaphor of two intersecting lines which diverge then converge to intersect in one point and then diverge again. Geometry offers comfort as logic and rational approach over the turbulence of emotions, cocktails of pain and anger. I am the one without money and family connection: being abandoned hurts, even if I have been neglected and ignored throughout the almost three decades of marriage.

Writing is healing, even when tears spill over the keyboard. I have been blogging for seven years and decided to start a new blog to share my journey and all the places of comforts and support I encounter throughout this path, which I hope will lead not only to survival but to empowerment.

To be continued.