Holidays Survival: Deconstructing Thanksgiving

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” 

―Mahatma Gandhi

Holidays are always a major stressor in troubled relationships: being an immigrant without community, married to a family of privileged snob, with a husband who has never made an effort to integrate me or affirm my presence during his family gathering, holidays have always represented one of my worst nightmares. For over two decades Thanksgiving has marked the beginning of a time of anxiety and depression, which I often tried to compensate with eating and drinking binges. My recurrent experiences of Thanksgiving was a day spent at his liberal-chic relatives home in Connecticut, where I felt a sort of wallpaper.

This year Thanksgiving was a different experience, although it started with a general feeling of depression and strong emotional pain. My personal emotional abuse is unfortunately immersed within a larger social injustice and abuse, marked by the Ferguson shooting and recent grand jury decision of not indictment of the police officer who shoot an unarmed eighteen year teenager. The collective feeling of lack of justice, and discrimination had clearly a negative impact on my emotional hurting for personal abuse. It was not easy to start my day as usual, with my morning yoga practice, but the slow movements and focus on being in the here and now, started to activate its almost miraculous effect. I felt calmer and was able to focus on simple action; later join my friend and her son for a simple celebration in a diner. We had meaningful conversations and felt accepted and respected, a quite unusual feeling compared to the past Thanksgiving. Spending time with them gave meaning to giving thanks and affirmed that families are not by blood by choice.

After all holidays are what we make of them, like life itself, and changes starts from within. The "thanks giving" wisdom brought to think that I have a lot to give thanks for, although what I had/have to suffer because of my ex-husband and his family. It is tough journey but it can be travelled, with "a little help from my friends" and, of course ,"kindness of strangers".

Angels are everywhere, but we have to find them. Happy Thanks Giving!